Style, Fashion, and Grooming Basics

Style, Fashion, and Grooming (SF&G) is fundamentally about projecting your core identity through how you choose to present yourself.

How you present yourself is one of the key determinants of a first impression.

Of course, that means you can give off a negative first impression before you’ve even opened your mouth.

Or, you can have women smiling, curious, and interested immediately. In this case, you can easily get through the vital first few minutes of the interaction by giving off really positive signals about your confidence, congruence, and core identity, before you’ve even said a word!

Don’t be a “safe” man

The first mistake most men make when building a wardrobe is they buy a series of individual “safe” items that don’t go together at all. They then try to combine them in a haphazard way that never works. What results are ugly, ill-fitting, and “muddy” outfits that make you look juvenile or even ridiculous.

Sure, maybe they don’t know any better (book a coaching call with me if you want to just want to get that sorted easily).

But often what they are saying to the world is “I don’t want to stand out.”

Whatever their core identity might be, they are too lazy, ashamed, or afraid to express it. And in large groups, or at clubs or bars, they will merely fade into the background and become invisible to women. If they are noticed, it’s because the women will see that they simply “don’t get it,” just like how people are incapable of speaking a language fluently.

The Guys Who GET IT

The guys that do “get it” are rarely the ultra-rich guys wearing the most expensive suits. It’s not necessary to spend a lot of money to appear fashionable. And buying something expensive is NOT any guarantee of quality, tastefulness, or fit.

The guys that “get it” are rarely the guys wearing the most outlandish or crazy items either (despite what our friend Mystery might have us believe!)

The guys that “get it” are not any better looking, smarter, or more “alpha” than you. Nor did they somehow have this knowledge from birth. They just picked up on a few simple rules and guidelines that anyone can learn and implement. (If they do “break” a rule, they do it deliberately, thus showing that they know the rules and are being defiant on purpose.)

More importantly, they use their SF&G as another language of self-expression with which they can convey their core identity. Guys that both dress well and are successful with women are usually showing that they are congruent—they talk the talk and walk the walk. And women will pick up the signs that they probably fuck as confidently as they act!

The Perfect Two-Factor Outfit

Every outfit you put together should be the aggregate of two contrasting factors: Your core identity and the situation.

If you dress based purely on the situation, then you will definitely fit in, but you will also blend into the background and you won’t stand out. Furthermore, you will probably come off incongruent because you’re not really expressing your own individual identity—instead, you’re completely conforming to the norms of the situation. A little “conformity” is of course okay, but not at the expense of your true identity!

Conversely, a guy who wears a three-piece suit to a rocker-filled dive bar may well be expressing himself, but because he’s not modifying his style of dress to suit the casual nature of the situation, he will appear as socially uncalibrated as any other awkward dude.

Step one starts with your core identity. Before you can start to put items together, you need to figure out what exactly you want to express to the world about who you are.

Taking myself as an example: I’m much older than how I appear. The qualities I’d like to give off (especially when doing a daygame approach) are that I’m charming, intelligent, professional, confident, and fun (and many of those qualities are things I look for in the women I meet.) If I were to dress in t-shirts, jeans, and trainers (a.k.a. sneakers) all the time, I might be able to give off a “fun” vibe, but it would make me look too young and I would not be able to communicate any of the professional charm. So instead I make an effort to dress in slim-cut collared shirts, work trousers or dark-wash jeans, and brown or black dress shoes. To avoid looking too “buttoned up” and boring, I often use solid, bold colors (showing fun and confidence) or stripes. I also add a bit of accent and detail by matching my shoelaces to my socks; or socks to my shirt; or pocket square to my shirt. This immediately indicates to women that “this guy knows what he’s doing”, which is obviously a great first impression to give!

What are five character traits that you value the most in yourself (or would like to have), and that you’d want to communicate to someone you meet?

1. ______________ 2. ______________ 3. ______________ 4. ______________ 5. ______________

If your words centered around things like “lighthearted, fun, easygoing, hilarious,” and so on, then it’s likely that bright colors or casual items will help to bring out those qualities. If “mysterious, alternative, dark, rocker” are your words, then black, leather jackets, and chrome/silver accessories will be more your thing. Words like “elegant, sophisticated, well-spoken” will be brought out by tailored shirts, three-piece suits and accessories like cufflinks, pocket squares and tie clips.

This being said, the more variety you can put into your wardrobe, the more unique your personal style can become, and the better able you will be to modify your outfit to suit the occasion.

Basic Rules of SF&G

There are a few simple rules you should try to follow when putting together an outfit. Luckily, there is no “fashion police” who will arrest you if you break the rules I’m about to share with you. As you become more comfortable with your own personal style, feel free to bend these rules or even break them. However, I want to give some guidelines so beginners have a place to start:

1. Don’t wear navy blue and black together. Because the colors are so similar, they create a very “muddy” look—almost like you were getting dressed in the dark and screwed up! A lighter blue with black is fine—in fact, black will bring out and heighten bold hues like deep, primary colors (blue, red, yellow). Darker blues are best combined with light brown or grey, which create better contrast.

2. Match your belt to your shoes. It’s pretty easy to go to the mall and pick up a belt to match each pair of your go-to shoes—just make sure you bring the shoes WITH YOU to match the color perfectly. Warren Buffet claims, despite his billions of dollars, that he only has two pairs of shoes: one pair of black and one of brown. That’s all you really need to get started and a sturdy paid of dress shoes can last for years. So just get two belts and you’re set! Plenty of shops even sell reversible belts with brown on one side and black on the other, so you only need to buy one (just make sure they match!).

3. Shave your neckbeard (but not too high!). This is one of the most basic and fundamental ways you can groom yourself to look more sexy and more mature. Grooming your neckbeard not only makes you look like you know how to take care of yourself, but it gives you a stronger jawline. This accents the overall structure of your face better. However, a big mistake SO many guys make is they shave TOO high and make the bottom line of their facial hair too close to their faces. This actually has the opposite effect we’re going for, and makes the “fat” on your face (everyone has some) more prominent. The trick to this: Open your mouth as if you were talking when you go to shave your neck. This will ensure you don’t shave so much off that your cheeks are exposed while talking.

4. On formal occasions, dress one level more casual than most people. You’ll still look classy, but your casual look will attract positive attention and make you appear comfortable and at-ease in large social situations. (This only works if you actually talk to people!) Conversely, dress one level more formal at casual events. This will make you appear more elegant, sophisticated, and mature than average. Together, these traits balance out and ultimately make you a more desirable and high-status man in either social situation!

But fashion alone won’t turn you into a modern Romeo, Casanova, or James Bond. If you’re ready to upgrade your dating life, click here.